Self compassion

“You are going through a divorce. You don’t need to be worrying about another man and his children’s issues at this time.”

My therapist’s words rang in my mind. I am so grateful I dodged the bullet of getting out of one dysfunctional relationship directly into another one. An even worse one for me and my children. Out of the frying pan, into the fire.

Why is it that I try to do the hardest things, and fail continually? Why is it that I don’t give myself a break. Why do I hold on to unhealthy patterns, even though I want to let them go.

It’s time for tough love. Yes, I understand why I would be in cocoon mode after being divorced for only about a year. Wanting to stay home and get my bearings after experiencing one of the most stressful and devastating life events spanning the past 2 years. It’s ok. I’m going to keep growing and changing. I’m doing great.

And when I’m ready, it’s time to give up old habits. Codependency, emotional eating, drinking, isolating, over shopping. Underearning in a career that is too stressful. I’m ready to accept the money, success, and freedom that is my birth right. I’m ready to work hard and allow my body to thrive in the best health. I’m ready to let God into all areas of my life, and let go of cyclical, trapping thoughts. I’m ready to be the best mom and partner I can be. Someday I will go camping, travel, and form new relationships with family and friends. Also making my own new friends, holding onto myself, and feeling strong. I want to let go of guilt. 

I’m getting better at not driving myself into the ground. I did the best I could, and now I know better and am ready to continue growing and doing better.

I let myself really fantasize the other day. What do I really want? And feel the pleasure of it.