Looking for a Reason

If you’re always looking for a reason, eventually you will find one.

A reason to be grateful.

A reason to be angry.

A reason to leave.

Sometimes we develop this mentality after being hurt. We become hypervigilant, always on the lookout for red flags, a sign that someone will hurt us in the future. This is especially apparent in dating.

In general, pathology comes out rather quickly in dating, usually 1-2 weeks is the longest someone can stay on their 

“Best behavior” 

before lapsing into deeply unconscious, ingrained, dysfunctional relationship patterns. (Sometimes they can’t even last one day!) 

And often have low insight into their own behavior,

Low self awareness.

Sometimes, you can do your best to take it slow and vet someone, only to have it end down the road for unforeseen incompatibility reasons. 

Or you grow apart over time. 

You can’t get ahead of every heartbreak by being hypervigilant. 

The only thing that behavior gets you, is being alone.

If you see a red flag, make a mental note, 

Address it. 

Know your dealbreakers. 

Otherwise, allow the experience to unfold naturally. Keep it light and fun, give them the benefit of the doubt for minor things. If you need to end it, you will know when it is time. You don’t need to anticipate the future, nor is it possible to know right now what will happen.