If a man hates his mother

If you’re dating and a man says he hates his mother… Run the other way! 

I’ve done the legwork on this one, unfortunately. The field research. Until recently, every man I’ve been involved with has had a strained relationship with one or both of his parents. They’ve all been addicts. If the wounding is so deep they’re unable to forgive it as adults, they’ve integrated it into their personality. Into the way they treat women.

Healing is always possible, but it really takes work: therapy, self-reflection, prayer, letting go in the form of crying, working out, choosing differently - something. If he’s not engaged in some kind of healing work, he will unconsciously play out the dysfunctional dynamics from his family of origin. And you will play the part of the woman in his mind, especially when you become a mother.

If you come from a dysfunctional family, look for a partner who loves his parents. Sure, no parent is perfect. But if a partner has witnessed secure love, they can demonstrate it to you and help with your healing journey; it’s a beautiful thing. This will feel completely foreign to you at first, and you might want to push them away. There is healing work for you in this kind of relationship. Releasing your old, deep seated beliefs about relationships, yourself, your worthiness. Learning a new way of loving, letting your guard down, and accepting more than you’ve ever received.